12  August 2020

Coronagrump

Issue 11

Tyrannical Emperor Vlad, the face under the hood, destroyer of stars, who would subjugate the people throughout the galaxy.

Not such a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

a solitary and fragile world was being torn apart by a tyranny never before seen in the known universe. The Dark Side of the Force was strong in many of the planets' leaders as they considered how they might destroy Planet Sea and its long-suffering people…

The Great Pretender,
Count Dooku Modi,
who would stand at the right hand of Emperor Vlad, replacing his long fought rival, Darth Xi
Jabba the Trump -
whose accelerating metamorphosis is due to his addiction to the mysterious spice known as Hydroxychloroquine.
Darth Xi, the 'Smiler' with the knife beneath the cloak. He is strong with the Force.
The storm clouds of war are building over Planet Sea and there is but a small band of warriors who would oppose the dark forces of evil, led by Princess Leia Merkel.
Master Jedi Yoda Fauci and Jedi Gates Skywalker use the Force for good...
...and in the background,
the spirit of the oldest Jedi Master of them all, Obiwan Charles Kenobi looks on.

We need to keep a close

eye on our beautiful 

planet before one or 

more of these maniacs goes and melts it!

BIG GRUMP

Sorry to go on so, but really, what is happening everywhere? Of all times, when we should be pulling together and helping each other to cope and manage with the Coronavirus, our illustrious leaders seem bent on mutually assured destruction by lemming syndrome! The only country that seems to be on top of things is New Zealand, and understandably, they're not letting any of the rest of us near there.
These three are really scrapping for a fight. Modi is determined to have a war with Pakistan and provoke a conflict that could easily become nuclear. In the meantime, he contents himself with beating up Muslims in Kashmir and at home in India and engaging in fisty-cuffs and clubs (literally) on his border with China. Xi Jinping is set on territorial expansion, global economic domination and the destruction of the oceans while he does it. He also has it in for home-grown Muslims. Finally, Putin, puppet master par excellence, wants to let everyone think he's going to move against the Baltic States, while all along he wants his old Soviet satellite countries back, extended influence in the Balkans and the Middle East and last, but not least, dominion over the USA - and he doesn't like Muslims either. 
And then there's the so-called leader of the free world, he who proudly and personally embraces the seven deadly sins and who doesn't seem to like anybody...seems he has time to write another book though; staggering while still in office.
Mark my words, there will be bloody noses a-plenty before too long. Consider the impact, for example, if all Islamic nations came together; Indonesia, Malaysia, the countries of the Middle East, Asia and North Africa. Having had a bellyful of being kicked around, subjugated, bullied and belittled. They decide they've had enough of it and will no longer tolerate the nonsense that has been meted out to them over the decades, indeed centuries. Their time will come, and probably much sooner than anyone might expect. 
OK, enough said, GRUMP over and I better come up with some laughs before you all switch off...
  
Here is an example of multi-tasking, and just in case you thought it was only the girls who were good at this, think again.

Now we've got that sorted, let us once again consider the issue of

FACEMASKS & TESTING
Everyone in the Universe knows that you should always wear a mask...as they say, "In space, no-one can hear you cough!"
You know it must be true when one the greatest leaders in the world today (his words) is at last now calling upon his people to cover up...
But some still refuse to wear one because they think it might make them look stupid! What can one say...?
But tests are tests, whatever they reveal (thanks Dubes for your openness and for sharing...well, you know what I mean) 
It seems Darwin was right, as if that were ever in question.
Go back. Seems we got 
something wrong.
But the examples below do make you wonder!
Some argue that face marks don't always work. Well I say, neither do parachutes, but if I ever have to jump out of a crashing plane, I still want one. 
And here's what one Italian magazine predicted in 1962 how the world would look sixty years later.
I suppose they didn't factor in the many different uses a Porsche could be put to! (I'm sure you'll let me know if it's NOT a Porsche)

Let us now consider the tricky matter of

RELATIONSHIPS & THE ELDERLY
There is no doubt that the lockdown and social isolation that we have been going through, in some cases for many months, has had a significant effect on our relationships. A recent survey indicated that 9 out 10 husbands now agreed that their wives were always right. The 10th one has not been seen since the study was conducted.
The police have also been involved in an ever-increasing number of domestic incidents. There was a case recently where a police officer had answered an emergency call and was later heard calling his station on the radio.
"I have an interesting case here, Sarge," he said. "There's a lady here who's shot her husband for stepping on the floor she'd just mopped." 
"Have you arrested her then?" asked the Duty Sergeant.
"Not yet," replied the policeman, "the floor's still wet."
In many homes, the bins get put out by the man of the house, but guys, don't ever think there's no checking up to see that you're doing it properly.
And don't think because you haven't got out much that you can get away with liberties when you do return from that a first visit back to the pub.
A friend of mine, who'd just come home late from a few drinks with his mates after a long time, commented to his wife that he thought the dinner she'd prepared for him was tasteless. She promptly called the Covid hotline and within minutes, an ambulance turned up and carted him off for 14 days quarantine.
Heed this warning well, gentlemen. And while you're at it, make sure all your insurances are up to date!
Incidentally, have you noticed that whenever your other/better half starts saying something with the phrase, "I was just thinking...", it usually means you have to move, build, paint or buy something?
Really, you have to watch out for some of our senior citizens. They're up to all sorts of tricks.
When all said and done, though, you're as old as you feel...or as old as the boy or girl you feel; ask any president.
Or perhaps as they might appear today!!!
Maybe at this point we should move rapidly on to a less risqué subject, the first picture of which combines both the ageing process of feeling old and...

ANIMAL ANTICS

I think it's pretty clear that our canine friends are a lot smarter than we think.
...as are our feline ones, who are also very independently minded.
Other creatures too like to take ad- vantage of mans inebriated stupidity 

HAVE WE LEARNT ANYTHING WITH THIS VIRUS?

One sad thing many of have learnt over the past six months is that, given the right circumstances, we are seriously interested in alcoholism.
Aside from booze, though, there are a number of things that we are now clearer about than perhaps we were before Covid-19.
And 17, it seems likely that large social gatherings may well become a thing of the past, such as campaign rallies and going  to see concerts
Finally, please click on the image of this beautiful whale shark to learn about the horrors of 'Extinction Soup'.
whale-shark-diving-thailand-1080x450.jpe
May the Force be with you!

Charles