20th January 2021

CORONAGRUMP

Issue 17

US PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION EDITION

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If Trump is
gone before we wake, we
pray to God the news ain't fake.
"LET US PRAY"
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"GOOD GRIEF!"
"Trump, Trump," whisper, who dares?
Joe and Kamala are saying their prayers."
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People love me because I have transcended my ego. I transcend egos better than anyone else. You'll never meet anyone who has  transcended their ego better than me!

A New Year, a new President, an old one gone, what's not to celebrate? All over the world, nations have been expressing their joy for a new beginning with lavish firework displays...

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TRUMP GRUMP-
IS THIS...
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?
There were just five words in Trump's hand-over note to President Biden;
                "Joe, you know I won." Ungracious and delusional to the last! But IS this the last we've heard of Trump? Certainly not; there'll be headlines covering his legal entanglements, and his new political plans to formally establish the "Patriot Party".  And as with all past presidents, there'll also be the development of his library to keep him, and us, occupied, although this might be more challenging for Trump than his predecessors.
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So it's all the more important that his impeachment is fully prosecuted and he is barred from holding public office again. 
Biden and Harris's safety is paramount in these dangerous times, and as I watched the inauguration unfold, I was holding my breath and praying that nothing would happen or go wrong...except perhaps to Trump's departing plane.
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Anyway, for the time being at least, everything went smoothly and nothing awful happened, which is more than can be said for a couple of weeks ago.
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What an appalling state of affairs! We have now seen further evidence, as if it was needed, of the dysfunctionality of the political system of the United States of America, epitomised by its electoral arrangements. The BLM protests last year and the recent debacle on 6th January in Washington DC underscores just how broken is their structure.
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How can the world trust and respect a nation that just four long years ago elected a leader who turned out to have...
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...AND THEN KNOWINGLYHAD MORE THAN 70 
MILLION CITIZENS GO AND ASK FOR MORE? THE MIND BOGGLES! 
America has become a laughing stock amongst many countries, especially those it has actively interfered with and sought to dominate.
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Not unreasonably, the airwaves have been choked with observations from many such nations...
* Condemning the attack on Congress, Afghanistan requested the opposing 
parties to respect democracy, and have offered to send troops to help restore order.
* Kim Jong-un has reportedly mothballed his nuclear weapons programme in the belief that Trump himself has now destroyed America on his behalf.
* Iraq is said to be mobilising an invasion force to bring democracy to the US.
* Mexico has decided that they will now pay for the wall and it is understood that Canada wants one as well.
* And in Venezuela, President Nicolas Maduro said in a fiery speech (referencing his Presidential rival, self declared and US backed, Juan Guaido), that, "Americans have now found out that it is easier for them to try to change Presidents in other countries than their own." 
* Finally, from Iran comes   برو به جهنم
which scholars among you will know means, 'Go to hell!'
It would be funny if it wasn't so awful.
Apparently, in a last ditch attempt to seize the Presidency, Trump tried one last trick.
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This in turn led most social media platforms to suspend his accounts,
(ED: one of the few good things that the unfettered and out of control social media giants have done right!) leading to yet more bizarre behaviour as he sought ways of getting round the ban...
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...and as reported from various residential districts in the capital where police were called by concerned parents. It seems that a strange, orange-looking man had been approaching children and making indecent proposals.
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But now, with a brace of impeachments under his belt, lawmakers are faced with the tricky decision as to whether or not Trump, his family and cronies, are guilty of treason and should consequently go to jail. 
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His lawyer should probably also join him, as long as they don't pardon their way out...
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After all, let's not forget that this is something he has advocated for both of his previous challengers.
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Whatever 
decisions are ultimately
made, the US penal system is ready.
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In the end though, Trump cost Republicans the Presidency, the Senate and the House. So after all, his dream may yet come true, and perhaps there's a chance to make AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
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However, while his supporters continue to march, some are erecting statues in his honour and are awaiting its unveiling in breathless anticipation.
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Other statues simply remain anxious.
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Meanwhile, the rest of the world
holds its breath and wonders if he will really go...
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...and Joe Biden sets about clearing up the biggest mess the USA has ever put itself in.
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ED: Coronagrump apologises for showing some pictures in this column that have been presented before, but are offered here once again due to their topicality.
OTHER POLITICS &
BIG BUSINESS
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From one banana republic to what may soon be another,
probably the closest contender to Trump for ridicule is the British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson. History will judge the skill  
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with which he handled the UK's BREXIT strategy, but meanwhile we don't have to wait so long to judge his handling of the pandemic. He has been offered 
much helpful advice from cabinet 
members, especially regarding the speedy roll out of the country's vaccination programme. This has included putting the vaccine into beer and opening the pubs from lockdown. The idea is that within two days, half the country would be immune! Another proposal involves the training and use of Amazon delivery drivers to administer the vaccines. The entire population would be immunised by Saturday next week, or even Wednesday for those with Prime! 
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The problem with one vaccine in particular is that it must be stored and transported at low temperatures by specialist firms. An entrepreneurial  friend of the Health Minister luckily has the relevant qualification and equipment and has been awarded a £20 billion contract.
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Entrepreneurs in general have been thriving on the opportunities presented by the pandemic.
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Conversely, many established industries have been suffering to the point of collapse. The travel industry is one such, especially the airlines. Struggling now to save every penny they can, some carriers are going to the most extreme lengths to recoup their losses. 
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Another business in trouble is the cosmetic and plastic surgery industry. When it was revealed that the coronavirus can live on plastic for up to two weeks, celebreties and regular citizens alike went into panic as plastic surgeons the world over packed their bags...below can be seen the Kardashians receiving the grim news.
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All of which gives rise to some interesting, mainly US, social observations:
  1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is Basketball 
  2. For maintenance level employees it is Bowling
  3. Football is the sport of choice for front-line workers, while
  4. Supervisors prefer Baseball and of course
  5. Middle management goes for Tennis
  6. The sport of choice for corporate executives is naturally Golfso one is forced to conclude that the higher you climb up the corporate ladder, the smaller your balls become.
  7. Politicians presumably enjoy a good game of Marbles!
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And as we know, the road to parliament
is lined with dicks!

For the USA and, increasingly, many other other parts of the world, let me end this section on a sombre note, as expostulated by Ayn Rand in her 1957 book, Atlas Shrugged.

"When you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - When you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - When you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - When you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - You may know that your society is doomed.

COVID 19

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It is of course very hard to make light of this dreadful pandemic, but essentially, that is the essence of the Coronagrump - to try and ring a smile out of people in these troubled and difficult times. This could be challenging but in truth, real life provides so many examples of complete nonsense, I don't have to try too hard to raise a chuckle.
For example, we see all around us and hear that the simple act of wearing a facemark can make a life or death difference, yet the number of people that ignore this simple guideline astonishes me. And frankly, I just don't buy the
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excuse that you can loose your ears if you sneeze too hard while wearing one...I mean, this has to be fake news, surely?
Maybe there is a need for tougher instruction?
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At least she was able to see a doctor. Now that working from home is all the rage, many doctors are taking the government's guidelines quite literally.
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But as the vaccine gets rolled out, whichever version it happens to be, slowly but surely things will get better... won't they?
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"Be honest doctor, is this new virus strain as bad as they say?"
Of course, it's not just the medical fraternity who are adapting to new ways of going about their business. The picture below shows how some clergy are now performing certain rituals, such as Christenings. Is this a social distance too far?
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The police are also finding that the virus is a convenient way to save investigative time and manpower on solving and prosecuting criminal activities.
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HIGH TEC & SOCIAL MEDIA
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Well Professor, I think we can safely say we've passed that milestone! Brains are so important; it's just a shame not everybody has one.
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I mean, have you noticed that all the scientific instruments that are looking for intelligent life are pointing AWAY from Earth?
Social Media has become a mindless obsession for so many. 
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This is dangerous, and as we have seen in the United States, in the wrong hands these platforms have become...
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Yet despite the use and abuse of social media (I'm thinking particularly of schools, etc. and related matters),
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people still seem to believe that they should have unlimited right to free speech and expression! Well, this old Grump does not think so!
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And don't get me started on Emojis. It seems to me our communication skills have reverted to something more akin to the ancient Egyptians.
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On a lighter note, EBay has been especially popular over the last year as people are being forced to augment their income. One chap has been making a fortune out of selling his homing pigeon, time after time, after time...
  
I'd also like to thank whomever it was that told my mother that 'WTF' means "wow that's fantastic." Her texts are so much more fun now!
  
And did you know that 80 tweets minus your age, plus 40 texts equals the year of your birth?
HOME & WELFARE
In times of hardship, such as those we are living through today, it is perhaps stating the obvious that to have a solid, loving and understanding relationship with your loved ones is so important,
 
 
both before you go...
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...and after.
But if this cannot be managed, after trying all options, then resorting to the Russian option is probably best.
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Be firm and let your feelings be unambiguous,
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and when it's all over, strip off and relax.
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In the meantime, remember a healthy diet is always important, of course, followed by lots of exercise.
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Probably the hardest thing of all over the past 12 months has been keeping positive, so here's something upbeat for a change and something to reflect upon.
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UPDATES FROM OUR 4 LEGGED FRIENDS
Sitting at home the other evening (aren't we all?), I was watching the dog chasing his tale and was thinking how easily amused dogs were. Then I realised I was watching the dog chasing his tale...
Poor pets, they've been having a rough time as well, especially in those families with children.
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For the most part, though, they are able to amuse themselves.
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But as we all know,
the cats are usually the ones to come out on top.
As long as it's on their terms, cats enjoy being helpful to their owners, well, sometimes anyway, and keeping a corona watch on the 
neighbourhood so they know exactly what's going on.
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This edition of the Coronagrump is ending with a wonderful compilation of music and dance routines from days gone by. I hope it will distract you from all the gloom and woe surrounding us and lighten your day, at least for a while. 
Keep safe and well and let's look forward to a happier year ahead.
All the best

Charles